Just For A Moment
by chorus
Summary: Based on S02E13, The Last Dragonlord.  Merlin and Arthur must deal with their respective feelings.  Arthur believes he failed.  Warning:  mild slash.  "M" rating is for Better Safe Than Sorry.


Just For A Moment

Based on S02E13, The Last Dragonlord. Merlin and Arthur must deal with their respective feelings. Arthur believes he failed. Warning: mild slash.

a/n: I don't own anything Merlin, I just have fun writing about it.

Dedicated to notsoinnocentfangirl, who is a better writer and keeps me on my toes! :)

ooooo

At the King's Memorial, Arthur had delivered a beautiful eulogy for the knights who died during the dragon slaying. There wasn't a dry eye anywhere, even the King's eyes were watery. Gwen was openly sobbing on Merlin's shoulder, and Merlin's own face was covered in tear tracks. Only Gaius knew, though, that Merlin had even more to cry about. He didn't care that Arthur had told him that no man was worth crying over (apparently neither did Uther, Gaius, or even Arthur himself right now), there was only a deep ache: Merlin had barely met his father, and now he was gone.

Arthur closed his remarks by noting that there was much work to be done. Camelot must be repaired, not just the buildings, but the people, the community. Then Uther moved next to Arthur as people came up to give their sympathies and thanks. Merlin, who'd had more than enough by now, gave Gwen a soft kiss on the cheek, then stole out the side door back to his bedroom. He hoped he wouldn't dream.

Arthur went to bed later, but couldn't sleep. After tossing and turning for a couple of hours, he finally had to admit that he was deeply upset by the loss of those knights, all of them friends, and wanted to talk to somebody. But to whom? Uther? Not a chance. Gwen? No, it was clear that she was very upset. Gaius would be understanding, but he was old and needed his sleep. That left only the idiot boy, Arthur thought. With a deep sigh of resignation, Arthur set out, creeping through the castle to Merlin's room.

Pushing open the door, Arthur was shocked to see a skinny little thing curled up under a thin blanket, sobbing quietly. He fought down a sudden urge to spring to the bed, take Merlin into his arms and comfort him. _Aha! Where the hell did THAT come from?_ an irritating voice in the back of Arthur's head asked. Arthur steadied himself, telling the voice that he had a responsibility for the care and well-being of all the people of Camelot. He ignored the _uh-huh_ response.

Gliding gently to the bedside, Arthur slowly hunched down, and whispered very quietly, "Merlin?" Like a surprised cat, Merlin jumped, yelped, and managed to tangle himself in the blanket. Arthur slapped his hand over the boy's mouth, feeling the salty wetness of the tears still streaming down his face. "Sssshhhh, you'll wake Gaius."

The single shaft of moonlight that now illuminated Merlin's face revealed two very wide and surprised eyes. For a moment Arthur thought he was going to burst out laughing. But there was something in Merlin's eyes, something behind the tears and shock, that quelled any idea of humor. Arthur was mystified. Merlin hadn't been that close to any of the lost knights. The dragon was dead (so Arthur thought). Wait, Merlin had shed tears over the death of the Dragonlord. _Caught on, have you?_ asked that pesky voice.

Now slightly irritated, Arthur asked, "If I remove my hand, will you bloody well keep quiet?" Merlin nodded his head vigorously, like a child saying yes to a treat. The Prince pulled his hand away from those beautiful lips that seemed so kissable. Arthur shook his head so that nagging voice would keep still. Merlin started tugging at the blanket, hopelessly trying to pull it to his chin. Sure, he and Arthur had been in some very, uh, close circumstances before, but after all, this was his boss, _the Prince_, who was now glaring at him.

"Sire! What is it! What's wrong?" Merlin whispered fearfully. His thoughts were racing: Had the dragon returned? Had somebody else died? Was Arthur going to kiss him? Was he actually hurt and only now admitting it? Or, Merlin shuddered, had Arthur figured out the relationship between the Dragonlord and his manservant?

Arthur, who was a bit calmer since the voice hadn't spoke, smiled grimly. "I needed something, only to come in here and find you crying like a baby. Are you still weeping over that Dragonlord?"

_Damn!_ thought Arthur, as more tears filled Merlin's eyes. _His face looks like a ruddy waterfall!_ As if on cue, Merlin took a deep breath, his hands jumping up to wipe away the tears. Arthur was flooded with another impulse: he wanted to pull Merlin's hands down and kiss away his tears. _Responsibility, huh? Sure seems like more than that to me!_ That stupid voice again. _Shut it!_ he thought. Despite pretending to ignore it, he definitely heard the giggle.

Merlin's mind was still doing cartwheels. He had to get control of this situation, and fast! But how? He couldn't lie to Arthur, the man who had saved his life countless times (he set aside the thought of how many times he's saved Arthur's life), the man whom he deeply loved, the man who would someday be King. Telling Arthur the truth would ruin the one thing that kept him safe: secrecy. Well, telling him the _whole_ truth would. Merlin was afraid, though, that telling even a little bit of the truth could be dangerous. OK, time to switch to a different tactic. "Sire, his death was so needless, just like the deaths of so many of your knights, and the deaths of so many innocent people here in Camelot."

Arthur wasn't even stunned by Merlin's words. He knew that Merlin, a simple person (a very cute and simple person) didn't have the ability to control his emotions the way that he, the Prince, did. What surprised him, though, was the apparent depth that Merlin's emotions had. Sure, he'd seen his manservant stumble through all kinds of emotions in the past, even watery eyes a couple of times. But now he had to ask himself: Was this the first time that Merlin had spent the night sobbing in his bed?

"Merlin, do you cry like this every time there's a disaster or catastrophe?"

Uh-oh. "Sire, it's just that this one was so terrible, so hideous, so devastating, so-"

"We've had equally terrible situations before."

Oops! Switch again! "Yet this is the first time you've come to see me afterward, Sire. Why is that? What do you need?"

Two young men, one in a bed, his blanket forgotten, one crouching down, both speaking in furious whispers in a darkness pierced only by a sliver of moonlight. Each had secrets: one of them loved the other so very, very deeply; the other did not believe in love, yet felt something that so resembled love when he looked into those beautiful eyes.

Arthur sighed. "Move over," he whispered, standing up. Merlin's jaw dropped. "I SAID, move over!" Arthur eased himself onto the bed as Merlin backed away so quickly he started to fall off the other side, and would have, had not a strong arm grabbed him and pulled him up. "You bungle everything, don't you, Merlin?"

Merlin rolled his eyes as he flopped down on his back. _I don't know if this is funny or terrible, _he thought._ Two men, side by side in a bed only big enough for one, staring up into the darkness. Two men, from very different worlds, arm pressed to arm and leg to leg._ Merlin could feel Arthur's body heat radiating into his own. _Two men_-

Arthur's hand clamped over Merlin's mouth again. Merlin felt the other's warm breath filling his ear. "If you ever tell anybody about this," hissed Arthur, "Even Gaius, you will regret it. Understand?" Merlin nodded once. That nagging voice started yammering to Arthur again as he pulled his hand away. Without warning, Arthur's arm slid under Merlin's neck, pulling the young man to him so that Merlin's head was resting on Arthur's shoulder. Merlin took a deep breath. Carefully, he moved his free arm to rest on Arthur's chest, and slid his leg up as well. When Arthur didn't flinch (or try to kill him), he quietly exhaled.

"I have needs, too," started Arthur. Merlin's eyebrows flew up. "Right now, I need to not be alone. Right now, I need to cope with what's happened. Yes, Merlin," he continued dryly, "Your Prince has feelings, too, and sometimes they can't stay bottled up. I lost several good men, men that I knew personally, men that I trusted my life with. And I failed at keeping the people of Camelot safe."

"Sire?"

"Dammit, Merlin!" Arthur hissed. "I had a responsibility, and I FAILED!"

"Sire! You dealt the death blow to the dragon! You stopped the destruction of Camelot!"

What Merlin heard next frightened him. A whimper, a pleading whimper, coming from deep inside the man half under him. He lifted his head and caught only a glimpse of tears before Arthur's lips pressed deeply against his own. Pulling Merlin on top of him, Arthur cupped his manservant's face with his hands while his lips pressed ever harder. Merlin shuddered as he realized that his fondest, most-wished-for dream was coming true: Arthur was kissing him! He pushed his own lips back against Arthur's while his hands moved to press against Arthur's head. Time stopped and the universe disappeared.

A volcano started building in Merlin, and he felt it in Arthur, too. The pressure grew, their breaths becoming faster and ragged, their kiss more urgent. It spread through them, driving them ever closer to the edge. Beads of sweat sprinkled their skin as they simultaneously fought to control their inner churning while desperately desiring for it to explode. Hands moved everywhere, back, neck, flank, anything that could be reached, yet their lips remained glued to each other.

The volcano would no longer be held back. Merlin was already trembling when he realized that Arthur had started shuddering. Merlin pulled his lips away and they both yelped as the volcano's power exploded within and from each of them. "Merlin!" Arthur hissed, his eyes boring deeply into the eyes of the man on top of him. Trembling, shuddering, and what was that? Yes, even smiling. Finally, Merlin collapsed on Arthur, both of them panting and sweating like they'd just run a race.

Slowly their breathing calmed, and Merlin could feel Arthur gently shaking his head. He didn't want to move, he liked resting on top of Arthur's warm, strong body, but he didn't resist when the other nudged him. Rolling back to his original position, though pressing a little harder, Merlin waited. The minutes (hours? seconds?) ticked by in silence.

Arthur's voice was gruff. "So what is it with you and the Dragonlord?"

"He was a good man, Sire. He managed to overcome his anger and do the right thing."

"He wasn't going to."

Cover-up time. "Sire, I spoke to him when you walked away. I told him it was unfair to hold you responsible for the King's actions."

Arthur sighed. "But my father is still the King."

"Really? Does than mean your still just a Prince?" Merlin teased. Arthur huffed, and glanced a menacing glare at his bedmate. "Yes, Sire," Merlin responded, with mock humility. "Anyway, I told him how it wasn't just the King who was in mortal danger."

Merlin realized there was no point in continuing, because Arthur started snoring. Very gently he reached down and grabbed the cover, pulling it over both of them as best he could. He stared down at that magnificent face, then bit his lower lip. Slowly and carefully he snuggled up against Arthur, putting his head back on the Prince's shoulder, his arm over his chest. He smiled. _Some things will never change_, he mused, as Arthur's snoring rattled the walls.

He woke to the dawn and an empty bed. He felt the coldness of being alone, and in his mind recalled the memories of the past few hours. They were soft, almost like a dream, leaving him feeling both sad and happy.

Gaius greeted him as usual, but kept giving him sidelong glances. Merlin worried that the old man had awakened during the night and heard what was going on in the smaller chamber. When they sat down for breakfast, instead of eating, Gaius gave him that look. That look that said _I've caught you doing something you shouldn't be doing._

"What?" asked Merlin, defensively, dropping his spoon.

"I'm just checking you over."

"I'm fine!"

Gaius' face softened. "Are you? When I came in last night I could hear you crying, and when I awoke this morning I could still hear you crying. I can understand you mourning the loss of your father, but I worry about how deep it hurt you."

Merlin's heart sank. This was not how he wanted to start the day. Before he could say anything, though, the door flew open and there stood Arthur, Prince of Camelot. Merlin searched his face, but there was nothing, not even in his eyes, that hinted at what had happened last night. Of course, Arthur was very good at hiding his thoughts.

"Sire?" Gaius asked.

Arthur flashed his eyes at the old man. "Since my idiot of a manservant overslept yet again, today he shall have the honor of not only removing the debris and mucking the stalls of my horses, but of all the knight's horses!" He spun around and stormed out.

Gaius chuckled. Merlin sighed. And so began another day.


End file.
